An Open Letter to Regis Philbin

Mary Ann Dobson, Kelly Ripa, Steve Dobson and
Best Friends Forever Regis Philbin and Jill Dobson
August 2010

Dear Regis, 

I just watched Katie Couric's special, Regis Philbin: The Morning Maestro. The interview, and the fact that your final day on Live with Regis and Kelly is upon us, has me in tears.

Perhaps that's not saying much -- as a sleep-deprived new mom I'm always on the brink of an emotional breakdown. But I think this time the tears are because I don't yet know where I can see more of you. Until you announce your next project, viewers like me are left in a Regis-free limbo, and we're not happy about it. What's next -- will Oprah retire from her talk show?! 

Look, Reege, my newborn son is wonderful, but I need adult companionship, too. And who wants to go out in the rain and interact with actual people when I can laugh along with my TV friends from the comfort of my living room? That's why I need you to announce your next talk-show endeavor as soon as possible.

Also, please remember that, thanks to our mutual friend, Hollywood Super Agent Jim Ornstein, you and I have met several times. Once, when I was in the audience of Live, you even called me funny... in front of millions of TV viewers. It was one of my greatest moments ever. In case I haven't mentioned it, I think you're funny, too.

So, please, for the sake of all your fans, head on over to NBC or Nick at Nite or NFL Network or wherever you'd like, right now! And get a great sidekick. We viewers want to see you paired with a fun, blonde new mom who cracks you up. Got any ideas?

Until we meet again... Godspeed, Reege. Godspeed.

Sincerely,

Jill Dobson

Host Chat: Jill's Big News

Welcome to another edition of Host Chat.  Just as Regis shares stories from his exciting life each morning on his talk show, I share my latest tales of hobnobbing, hijinks, and more often than not, humiliation!

6/3/11: Special Red Eye edition of "Baby Bump Show & Tell"

I had an exciting weekend!  I made a big announcement in the early hours of Friday morning.  I was a guest on Red Eye, and at the end of the show, I took a quick moment to tell my fellow panelists and viewers everywhere some news: "With a little help from my husband, I have the hot new Hollywood accessory-- a baby bump!"
I expect the news to end up on the cover of Us Weekly and all the industry blogs immediately!  In the meantime, I'm getting tons of funny and encouraging reactions from people on Twitter, including these comments:
@KevTracy: Just please don't name him or her Kal-El* or Bronx Mowgli**
@FrankR_08: Hope he or she is a healthy future red carpet reporter
@TheKennedySmith [paraphrasing Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld]: Congratulations on gettin' fat!  (I kid. Congratulations, really.)
@NickiLaLa13: Tonight's RedEye was hysterical. And congrats to Jill Dobson!!
@bubbacrzy: When we said we want 'more Dobson' we didn't mean more belly. You take things too literally!


Thanks to the all the cyber comments, we've already decided to name the baby Kal-Mowgli.  And yes, we'll get little K-M working the red carpet and the Hollywood junket scene by age 4.  (That's how prodigies are made, you know!)  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wait by my mailbox for all my weekly celebrity magazines to arrive... gotta see how many covers feature me rather than boring old Angelina Jolie this month!


*As in Nick Cage's son
*As in Ashlee Simpson's son
Photo credit: www.highdefnewscaps.blogspot.com 

Special Thanks to: Hollywood Super Agent Jim Ornstein (also known as the father-to-be)!

An Open Letter to Chelsea Handler

I've spent a Regis-esque amount of time* talking about celebrities on TV. I've battled with Bill O'Reilly on The O'Reilly Factor and chatted with Natalie Morales on the Today Show.  My next goal?  To bash The Bachelorette alongside Chelsea Handler and friends on Chelsea Lately.  

When will it be MY turn to be groped by Chelsea Handler?!

Dear Chelsea, 

You might not recall, but we've been on TV together in the past.  We talked about Nicole Richie's weight (or whatever the hot topic was in 2007ish), on MSNBC's Scarborough Country.  You were outrageously hilarious, I shared a witty comment or two, and you made a mental note to yourself, saying, "Self, someday I'm going to have this Jill Dobson character as a panelist on my show.  She's fun!"

I'll also fit in with your team.  I once interviewed Chelsea Lately staffer Heather McDonald for Fox News' Strategy Room during her book tour, and we hit it off.  In case you don't believe me, here's proof: She signed a copy of her book for me with the words, "Jill, you're pretty and I like that about you."  You know I'm telling the truth because A) I get hives whenever I compliment myself, so there's no way I would've made that up; and B) Doesn't that sound just like Heather?

Another solid reason to have me on your show - I know just how to get to the E! studios.  My many TV jobs through the years have included work as an E! News correspondent, so I can be there in 5 minutes flat (just give me a day to fly across the country and check into my hotel first, though, please).

I also have extensive experience joking around with a panel of comedians, and mercilessly mocking my very own Chuy, Red Eye sidekick Bill Schulz. See the video here.  

Putting up my dukes, moments before pummeling Schulzy.

For these reasons and many more, I'd love the shot to be a panelist on your show sometime.  My agent awaits your call.  Oh, and Joe Scarborough says hello!  And Nicole Richie says #@^% off!

Sincerely,

Jill Dobson

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Note to The Jill Dobson Show audience members: Please help get Jill a spot on the Chelsea Lately panel!  Contact Chelsea's team on Facebook or Twitter (@ChelseaHandler) today!  Thank you for your support.

*Regis Philbin holds the Guinness World Record for most hours on camera.  I'm sure I'm probably a close 2nd, right after Regis, Mary Hart, Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, David Letterman, Chelsea Handler... OK, maybe I'm more like 7th.

Memorial Day/Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!

The Jill Dobson Show is on a Memorial Day hiatus.  Please enjoy this previously aired episode, and remember to honor our troops today.

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Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!  As I wait for the network executives to someday greenlight my very own talk show on TV... I'll do a little blog version of my dream show right here.  Stay tuned for the following segments, and much, much more!

Talk Show Hopeful: The ups and downs in my lifelong quest to become a talk-show host, from guest-host gigs on Red Eye to high-level meetings (OK, one 5-minute audition) with the folks at E!

The Host Chat: While Regis shares funny stories about hanging with Don Rickles, I'll share my latest tales of hobnobbing, hijinks and, more often than not, humiliation!

Jill Dobson Guest-Hosts Red Eye

Favorite Things: As I reveal the coolest tech, beauty and home products, your favorite Oprah segment lives on... except without Oprah, without any TV airtime, and without the free giveaways.  Hey, I'm doing the best I can here!

Ask Jill: An unapologetic rip-off of the "Ask Wendy" segment on The Wendy Williams Show.  Ask my advice on friendship, dating and work... and I'll give you a solution to all your problems, in one 15-second soundbite!

Casting Call: While I applaud Ellen, Oprah, Rachael and Chelsea for going it alone, I'd prefer to work with a co-host.  As I write about my favorite funny guys (and gals!) from the New York comedy scene, the Chicago improv world, and beyond... YOU can help me pick my dream co-host!

Fashion Fix: The ladies of The View share their wardrobe secrets on their website each day.  I'll share my TV-worthy fashions too (but only on the days I manage to get out of my pj's).  

The Jill Dobson Show

Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!  As I wait for the network executives to someday greenlight my very own talk show on TV... I'll do a little blog version of my dream show right here.  Stay tuned for the following segments, and much, much more!


Talk Show Hopeful: The ups and downs in my lifelong quest to become a talk-show host, from guest-host gigs on Red Eye to high-level meetings (OK, one 5-minute audition) with the folks at E!
The Host Chat: While Regis shares funny stories about hanging with Don Rickles, I'll share my latest tales of hobnobbing, hijinks and, more often than not, humiliation!

Jill Dobson Guest-Hosts Red Eye

Favorite Things: As I reveal the coolest tech, beauty and home products, your favorite Oprah segment lives on... except without Oprah, without any TV airtime, and without the free giveaways.  Hey, I'm doing the best I can here!

Ask Jill: An unapologetic rip-off of the "Ask Wendy" segment on The Wendy Williams Show.  Ask my advice on friendship, dating and work... and I'll give you a solution to all your problems, in one 15-second soundbite!

Casting Call: While I applaud Ellen, Oprah, Rachael and Chelsea for going it alone, I'd prefer to work with a co-host.  As I write about my favorite funny guys (and gals!) from the New York comedy scene, the Chicago improv world, and beyond... YOU can help me pick my dream co-host!

Fashion Fix: The ladies of The View share their wardrobe secrets on their website each day.  I'll share my TV-worthy fashions too (but only on the days I manage to get out of my pj's).