An Open Letter to Chelsea Handler

I've spent a Regis-esque amount of time* talking about celebrities on TV. I've battled with Bill O'Reilly on The O'Reilly Factor and chatted with Natalie Morales on the Today Show.  My next goal?  To bash The Bachelorette alongside Chelsea Handler and friends on Chelsea Lately.  

When will it be MY turn to be groped by Chelsea Handler?!

Dear Chelsea, 

You might not recall, but we've been on TV together in the past.  We talked about Nicole Richie's weight (or whatever the hot topic was in 2007ish), on MSNBC's Scarborough Country.  You were outrageously hilarious, I shared a witty comment or two, and you made a mental note to yourself, saying, "Self, someday I'm going to have this Jill Dobson character as a panelist on my show.  She's fun!"

I'll also fit in with your team.  I once interviewed Chelsea Lately staffer Heather McDonald for Fox News' Strategy Room during her book tour, and we hit it off.  In case you don't believe me, here's proof: She signed a copy of her book for me with the words, "Jill, you're pretty and I like that about you."  You know I'm telling the truth because A) I get hives whenever I compliment myself, so there's no way I would've made that up; and B) Doesn't that sound just like Heather?

Another solid reason to have me on your show - I know just how to get to the E! studios.  My many TV jobs through the years have included work as an E! News correspondent, so I can be there in 5 minutes flat (just give me a day to fly across the country and check into my hotel first, though, please).

I also have extensive experience joking around with a panel of comedians, and mercilessly mocking my very own Chuy, Red Eye sidekick Bill Schulz. See the video here.  

Putting up my dukes, moments before pummeling Schulzy.

For these reasons and many more, I'd love the shot to be a panelist on your show sometime.  My agent awaits your call.  Oh, and Joe Scarborough says hello!  And Nicole Richie says #@^% off!

Sincerely,

Jill Dobson

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Note to The Jill Dobson Show audience members: Please help get Jill a spot on the Chelsea Lately panel!  Contact Chelsea's team on Facebook or Twitter (@ChelseaHandler) today!  Thank you for your support.

*Regis Philbin holds the Guinness World Record for most hours on camera.  I'm sure I'm probably a close 2nd, right after Regis, Mary Hart, Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, David Letterman, Chelsea Handler... OK, maybe I'm more like 7th.