An Open Letter to Chelsea Handler

I've spent a Regis-esque amount of time* talking about celebrities on TV. I've battled with Bill O'Reilly on The O'Reilly Factor and chatted with Natalie Morales on the Today Show.  My next goal?  To bash The Bachelorette alongside Chelsea Handler and friends on Chelsea Lately.  

When will it be MY turn to be groped by Chelsea Handler?!

Dear Chelsea, 

You might not recall, but we've been on TV together in the past.  We talked about Nicole Richie's weight (or whatever the hot topic was in 2007ish), on MSNBC's Scarborough Country.  You were outrageously hilarious, I shared a witty comment or two, and you made a mental note to yourself, saying, "Self, someday I'm going to have this Jill Dobson character as a panelist on my show.  She's fun!"

I'll also fit in with your team.  I once interviewed Chelsea Lately staffer Heather McDonald for Fox News' Strategy Room during her book tour, and we hit it off.  In case you don't believe me, here's proof: She signed a copy of her book for me with the words, "Jill, you're pretty and I like that about you."  You know I'm telling the truth because A) I get hives whenever I compliment myself, so there's no way I would've made that up; and B) Doesn't that sound just like Heather?

Another solid reason to have me on your show - I know just how to get to the E! studios.  My many TV jobs through the years have included work as an E! News correspondent, so I can be there in 5 minutes flat (just give me a day to fly across the country and check into my hotel first, though, please).

I also have extensive experience joking around with a panel of comedians, and mercilessly mocking my very own Chuy, Red Eye sidekick Bill Schulz. See the video here.  

Putting up my dukes, moments before pummeling Schulzy.

For these reasons and many more, I'd love the shot to be a panelist on your show sometime.  My agent awaits your call.  Oh, and Joe Scarborough says hello!  And Nicole Richie says #@^% off!

Sincerely,

Jill Dobson

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Note to The Jill Dobson Show audience members: Please help get Jill a spot on the Chelsea Lately panel!  Contact Chelsea's team on Facebook or Twitter (@ChelseaHandler) today!  Thank you for your support.

*Regis Philbin holds the Guinness World Record for most hours on camera.  I'm sure I'm probably a close 2nd, right after Regis, Mary Hart, Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, David Letterman, Chelsea Handler... OK, maybe I'm more like 7th.

Memorial Day/Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!

The Jill Dobson Show is on a Memorial Day hiatus.  Please enjoy this previously aired episode, and remember to honor our troops today.

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Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!  As I wait for the network executives to someday greenlight my very own talk show on TV... I'll do a little blog version of my dream show right here.  Stay tuned for the following segments, and much, much more!

Talk Show Hopeful: The ups and downs in my lifelong quest to become a talk-show host, from guest-host gigs on Red Eye to high-level meetings (OK, one 5-minute audition) with the folks at E!

The Host Chat: While Regis shares funny stories about hanging with Don Rickles, I'll share my latest tales of hobnobbing, hijinks and, more often than not, humiliation!

Jill Dobson Guest-Hosts Red Eye

Favorite Things: As I reveal the coolest tech, beauty and home products, your favorite Oprah segment lives on... except without Oprah, without any TV airtime, and without the free giveaways.  Hey, I'm doing the best I can here!

Ask Jill: An unapologetic rip-off of the "Ask Wendy" segment on The Wendy Williams Show.  Ask my advice on friendship, dating and work... and I'll give you a solution to all your problems, in one 15-second soundbite!

Casting Call: While I applaud Ellen, Oprah, Rachael and Chelsea for going it alone, I'd prefer to work with a co-host.  As I write about my favorite funny guys (and gals!) from the New York comedy scene, the Chicago improv world, and beyond... YOU can help me pick my dream co-host!

Fashion Fix: The ladies of The View share their wardrobe secrets on their website each day.  I'll share my TV-worthy fashions too (but only on the days I manage to get out of my pj's).  

Dances with DeGeneres

My friend Lisa was in the audience at today's The Ellen DeGeneres Show. When Ellen started off her show with her daily dance, she danced right up to Lisa.  I even saw Ellen look directly into Lisa's eyes and impart some talk show host magic on her!  I was so jealous excited, I almost dropped my Oreo cookies carrot sticks.  

Ellen dancing with Gaga (not my friend Lisa)

Years before Ellen's talk show hit the airwaves, I had a great idea.*  Someday I would have a show, perhaps titled The Jill Dobson Show, and I would start it each day with one of my enthusiastic (if not terribly coordinated) dances.  It would be a fun and kind of silly way to engage the audience.  

Lisa Gilbar in the audience at Ellen

I also decided that after I started my own talk show, I would then start my own magazine with fashion and beauty tips along with uplifting articles about reaching one's dreams. Clearly, Oprah beat me to the punch on that one.  (As did Rosie.)  

And I planned an awesome segment called the Six-Month Makeover.  In it, viewers would get the usual new look from hairstylists, makeup artists and fashion stylists, BUT they'd also have six months to get toned, visit the dentist and do some other long-term improvements.  As you can imagine, I'll be watching Monday's premiere of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition with both interest and a sense of urgency... I've got to get my own talk show STAT -- before all my ideas end up on TV!

Listen up, dear viewers of The Jill Dobson Show: If you see a TV host going around trying the newest Hollywood workout alongside Chelsea Handler one week and Elisabeth Hasselbeck the next (and aforementioned host is hilariously out of breath because she's struggling to keep up, while also simultaneously trying to interview Chelsea/Elisabeth)... you'll know I've been beaten the the punch... again!  

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*You'll have to take my word on this, since I don't have legal documentation to prove it.  But I'm a very honest gal.  I'll even admit that, despite my best intention, my afternoon snack was much more chocolately and carb-filled than it should have been.  I'll also admit that my abs look nothing like Elisabeth Hasselbeck's.  (Hmmm, I wonder if those two things are related?)

The Jill Dobson Show

Welcome to The Jill Dobson Show!  As I wait for the network executives to someday greenlight my very own talk show on TV... I'll do a little blog version of my dream show right here.  Stay tuned for the following segments, and much, much more!


Talk Show Hopeful: The ups and downs in my lifelong quest to become a talk-show host, from guest-host gigs on Red Eye to high-level meetings (OK, one 5-minute audition) with the folks at E!
The Host Chat: While Regis shares funny stories about hanging with Don Rickles, I'll share my latest tales of hobnobbing, hijinks and, more often than not, humiliation!

Jill Dobson Guest-Hosts Red Eye

Favorite Things: As I reveal the coolest tech, beauty and home products, your favorite Oprah segment lives on... except without Oprah, without any TV airtime, and without the free giveaways.  Hey, I'm doing the best I can here!

Ask Jill: An unapologetic rip-off of the "Ask Wendy" segment on The Wendy Williams Show.  Ask my advice on friendship, dating and work... and I'll give you a solution to all your problems, in one 15-second soundbite!

Casting Call: While I applaud Ellen, Oprah, Rachael and Chelsea for going it alone, I'd prefer to work with a co-host.  As I write about my favorite funny guys (and gals!) from the New York comedy scene, the Chicago improv world, and beyond... YOU can help me pick my dream co-host!

Fashion Fix: The ladies of The View share their wardrobe secrets on their website each day.  I'll share my TV-worthy fashions too (but only on the days I manage to get out of my pj's).